Last night I was going to call myself a Deist.
I felt distant from my emotions and from the person I was becoming over the last few weeks.
I told myself that I was being too emotional, too irrational, and too spiritual. What I needed was for someone to bring me back down to earth. I needed to be more r-e-a-l-i-s-t-i-c.
So I began thinking more with reason. I said to myself, Danny, you need to really organize your life. You need to stop being all over the place and focus on just one thing. But something strange happened at that moment.
I began to feel a coldness. The colors in my mind started to change. Instead of seeing in blues, yellows, and whites, everything became red. Red and light brown. Simultaneously, I became more intolerant. I felt ready to attack anybody who didn’t think like me, who didn’t see like me, and who I saw as weak. Even my political ideology changed in that moment. I noticed I started drifting further right from my liberal position.
In fact, I was turning into a Conservative. I started seeing myself as an individualist, a self-reliant egoistic libertarian conservative.
I was thinking with anger.
That’s when I realized I was in the wrong. My ego got hold of me, and I had to let it go. So I did. That’s when the blues and yellows came back. That’s when I felt human again.
“No man is fit to judge another, for no man is nearer to God than he who sees himself equal to others.”